To say that I have disenfranchised my fan club is no minor exaggeration; I readily admit that this post is largely due to unprecedented peer pressure. A few lovely ladies–Carly and Hannah, in particular–and a few influential aunts have, essentially, guilt-tripped me into reminding the world that YES, I AM ALIVE. I have returned to report on adventures, in my own narcissistic fashion. So yes, I am alive.
So what has been going on lately?
First, I thought I’d share a recent writing piece of mine. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? I’m in school, and I’ve been writing (albeit not blog posts!) For this assignment, I was supposed to write a theoretical memo to my theoretical boss at CommCorp, a theoretical corporation, in which I was reminding this theoretical man (a theoretical woman would have simply talked to me) that I am eligible for a theoretical promotion. Theoretically, my bio looked something like this:
Emily was born in the rural countryside of sunny California to a video-game tester and an interior designer. As such, she has grown up in a well-decorated, digital home. From a young age, Emily took to writing and art.
As time passed, Emily’s strengths developed — and, conversely, her weaknesses became more apparent. Although she will never be admired for her ability to play an instrument, nor for her ability to perform elementary-level math, Emily is a talented editor and presenter.
Another important skill of Emily’s is the ability to see the larger picture. Emily can organize the troops and command an army. Basically, she is qualified to be a dictator (resume and resources available upon request). This has likely developed from 21 years as an eldest child and cousin.
bossing bullyingsupervising Third World regimes, Emily can be found memorizing thesauri and winning online spelling bees. She likes lazy Sundays and long walks on the beach, and can often be found sipping hot cocoa in front of a warm fire.
So there. If you didn’t at least smile, you can click here.
QUICK UPDATE ON THE LIFE OF
PI EMILY: I’ve returned from DC and I have three remaining semesters before I graduate (Lord willing!) in May 2014. I’m taking 18 credits (also known as semester-hours) and I have a brand-spankin’-new job at the Alumni Office. It is so wonderful working on campus, AND my hours work around my courses! I’m officially the Communications Assistant. So far I have kept busy with databases and letter drafting.
RETURN TO MEMOIRS OF A
GEISHA STUDENT: I am very, very sorry that it has been 2 months since I updated. I’ve had a few adventures since then—so, to make up for my silence, I’m going to brief you on them all. These exploits range from Christmas to spectacles to banana bread. Oh yes. Banana Bread Adventures are not to be missed. Keep reading.
First, I have been to California and back for the Christmas season. I spent a lot of time on my Aunt and Uncle’s ranch, and with my Grandpa Zmak. I also had a wonderful date with my cousins. On my Mom’s side of the family, my cousins and I went to Santa Cruz on the annual Christmas Adventure (a long-standing cousin tradition in lieu of presents). If you’d like, you can view the YouTube photo collage I made for my Papa here. I’d post the multitude of photos, but, to quote Bern Williams:
I like the word “Indolence.” It makes my laziness seem classy.
Be sure to check out that indolent link if you’d like a summary of the Christmas Adventure.
Another recent adventure of mine has actually been the conclusion of a long-standing crisis. To be brief, I haven’t been able to find a pair of glasses. I call it The Misadventures of the Girl and the Spectacles. Mom just calls it a pain in her side. However, in the middle of January—behold!—I found a pair that make me happy. “Emily,” you say, “How can it be so difficult to find a pair of silly glasses?” Well, I have a round face, think brows, big eyes, wide peripherals, pale skin, long eye lashes, and lopsided ears. So yes. It can be quite difficult, thank you very much.
And yet another recent adventure was the arrival and departure of my Aunt Lisa, Aunt Diana, and Grammy. They were only here for 10 days, but it was a lot of fun to run out with my Grammy when I wasn’t in school.
I have only two more adventures worth sharing. First, I have finally hung my art in my room. It now all hangs in its multi-colored glory on my walls, in a kaleidoscope of hues that would make Joseph (and his brothers) very envious. I keep complimentary sunglasses by the door. I suppose I am bragging a little when I say that the pieces are kinda hung straight. It’s no small feat, though I do have small feet. Next up? More paint! I think I’m going to make the lilac walls a dusty green….but that will probably have to wait until summer time! :)
And finally, my last adventure deals with banana bread, a microwave, a cup, and a few hazardous materials like Baking Soda. *Gasps from audience. Woman seizes her throat as shadow looms on the wall behind her. Music picks up tempo. A distant voice screams.* Essentially, I made banana bread in a cup in the microwave. Mama, I can cook!
The catch is that one cannot use twice as much baking soda, like I did. You’ll notice that the bread is excessively spongy and has a bit of a…muffin top. Bahahaha. Sorry — is February too soon to begin making weight jokes? Maybe next month. Anyway, even with it’s expansive results, the bread was deliciously good. If you’d like to give this top-secret, incredible recipe a try (and amaze your guests with your domestic cooking skills!), you can find the instructions here.
You might be thinking, “Em — banana bread in a microwave with the wrong ingredients is nothing to be too proud about.” Let me just put it in context for you. Last time I made rice krispies, I used twice as much butter, half the amount of cereal, and a scoop too much vanilla. Not to mention the green food dye, which merely made the dessert look like I sneezed in it. Yep. Failure. In comparison, this banana bread is a downright miracle! Want to come over for dessert? I’ll bake. No worries.
Photos, quotes, writing samples, recipes. Phew! One day, I’ll finish the Zmak Christmas Letter and write a blog post on what I learn about immigration. But for now, I think I’ve done just dandy.